oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
