at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
