i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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