i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And then he peed in my hair
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