OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
