You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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