Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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