I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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