Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
