got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
