Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
