:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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