I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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