Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
