I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
