I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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