Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
