He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
