My balls are so social today.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found a bag of teeth...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
