I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
