Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
