So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
