dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
