ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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