i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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