So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
