it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
