also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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