I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
