it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
