Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was like eating out sand paper
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
