If that was your dad, he is hot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
