Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
