I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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