She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
