I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
