You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
