He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
