I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
