This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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