nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
