I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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