is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
