God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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