i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
