there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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