Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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