i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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