porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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