I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
